To the girl who feels stuck: a devotional on getting free
Monday, April 23rd, 2018 Confidence, Depression and Anxiety, Fear, General, Hope Rises Devotionals, Identity in Christ
I have been in a season of “stuck” lately. Not necessarily in a literal sense, but I just feel like my mind and my heart are stuck. I wouldn’t fully classify it as depression, but more that I am in a season of feeling discouraged, and though there are days and moments of light, I find myself defaulting to frustration and bitterness. The honesty of that sentence leaves a bad taste in my mouth, however I feel it necessary to admit that being a Christ-Follower does not mean that every day tastes sweet. We are still sinners. Rather, I would argue that it does mean every day couldtaste sweet. If we could put aside our humanness, and embrace God’s Holiness, we could taste sweetness in even the most bitter of seasons.
So, here it is. My personal confession and admission that I have been living in a season of bitterness, and letting my humanity get the best of me. My inner dialog sounds a lot like this:
“I read my Bible every morning, and I come up dry.”
“Why aren’t you speaking to me God?”
“I took a whole 15 minutes of quite time today and for what? Do you even hear my prayers?”
“Why doesn’t my life look like it once did where I felt I heard from you daily? Why have you left me?”
…I told you, its ugly.
Anyway, I had a moment this weekend. One of those moments where I stopped ‘trying’ and left a little space for God and wow did he show up. What started as a search in my past journals for a verse I wrote down for my brother, turned into me reading an entry I wrote back in 2013. I won’t share the whole entry but one line in particular struck me, “I KNOW you are up to something, help me to live in touch with your Spirit within me.”
Faith. I was in a season I would have called “stuck” back then too. I had just ended a three-year relationship with someone I loved because I knew the Lord was calling me to stop doing relationships my way, and to trust Him to provide a husband for me. I took a step of faith by entering singleness and waited on Him to show me what was next. I look back on that season now with great fondness. The work the Lord did in my life is truly miraculous. I sit here writing now, married to an incredible man of God, blessed with one beautiful baby boy, and I think all that would not be true had I not trusted God to provide my husband for me.
My current season of “stuck” revolves around wanting to feel settled. In three years of marriage my husband and I have moved across the country three different times. We have had incredible opportunities with each move. We have never been jobless, or homeless, yet I sit here now feeling sorry for myself that I don’t own a beautiful home like all my instagram friends. I weep because I want to feel settled. To feel accepted in this new community, to posses the pinterest ready home of my dreams. You know, first world problems.
I think back on my mindset over the last couple of months. Why does this “stuck” feel so helpless when other seasons have not? The Lord lovingly showed me this weekend, its because of ME! I have let this season shake my faith. The difference between this “stuck” season and my last is that in my last I believed that God was up to something. That He was not finished with my story and that I was simply waiting on His miracle. In this season of “stuck” I have spent my days comparing the blessings of others with those I feel I am lacking. I have made a habit of self-pity rather than God-Glory. I have focused on ME and what I am lacking and not relying on what I know to be the character of my Heavenly Father. I lost faith.
God gave me this poem;
“When stillness falls;
when life feels small.
When troubles fill my mind.
Its there you call;
to my knees I fall.
Lord, come arrest my mind.
Hope feels far
still there you are.
My trust is brought to test.
Will I succumb?
Will I choose to rest?
“You’re up to something,”
my mind recites.
“You can’t be finished yet.”
The choice is mine,
to trust your time,
or loose my mind in fret.
To remember my story
Is to KNOW your Glory.
You haven’t failed one day.
Step out of darkness,
Pursue your light.
Everyday I’ll say;
“You’re up to something, still.”
I believe it to be true,
Though my heart feels restless,
You’re making all things new.
This will not be my last season of “stuck.” I am certain of that. It will simply look different next time as it did this. However, I hope that as I age I will also grow in my faith. I will not be shaken when things feel stale because I will KNOW my God’s not finished. I will TRUST that He’s alive and moving in my life. I will have FAITH to wait expectantly, because I will believe in His goodness.I will not be shaken when things feel stale because I will KNOW my God’s not finished. I will TRUST that He’s alive and moving in my life. I will have FAITH to wait expectantly, because I will believe in His goodness. #hoperisesministriesClick To Tweet
Journal + Worship
Listen to “Overflow” by Red Rocks Worship.
Questions to reflect on:
What is season you have felt stuck in? How did God provide?
How are you spending your free-time? Do you spend more time on instagram, or in the Word? Make a list of your daily activities and times spent on each; reflect on where God might be calling you to spend more time with Him.
3.Make a list of the things God has provided in your life. Meditate on gratefulness for these things during this week.
Reflect on what the Bible says about God’s goodness, and His provision over your life.
Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
whose trust is the Lord.
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
And he said, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”
My Help Comes from the Lord.
A Song of Ascents.
121 I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot be moved;
he who keeps you will not slumber.
4 Behold, he who keeps Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The Lord is your keeper;
the Lord is your shade on your right hand.
6 The sun shall not strike you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The Lord will keep you from all evil;
he will keep your life.
8 The Lord will keep
your going out and your coming in
from this time forth and forevermore.
Dear God, we thank you that you are a GOOD father. Whether we feel near or far from you, you are a constant and you can be trusted. You sent your son so we could be saved, but you took it a step further. You did not leave us alone, but gave us your Spirit to be God IN us, so that we could know your peace and presence every single day. Help us to know you that deeply Lord. To live in the light of your sacrifice and to invite you into our daily struggles, fears, and joys. Make us aware of your presence and help us to live in the power of your Holy Spirit in us. We love you. Amen!
I attend a church called Red Rocks Church in Littleton Colorado. This past weekend we started a new series called “Just Getting Started.” This weeks topic was Holy Spirit, and it hit right at home! If you are looking to learn more about how to live freely in Christ, this is a great place to dive a little deeper:
About the Writer:
Meghan is married to her amazing husband Tim, and mother to the sweetest little boy named Everett. She currently lives in Sheridan, Colorado, but has spent time in a lot of different places. She was born in Illinois, moved to Malaysia for two years in elementary school, lived in Missouri for high school, went to college in Kansas, and spent 5 years in downtown Chicago, before ending up in Colorado! Her family plans to stay in Colorado for a while, but she knows that ultimately, the Lord is in charge! She spent years selling wedding dresses, but once her baby boy was born, she decided to stay home with him. She also teaches Pure Barre classes! Meghan is an integral part of Hope Rises Ministries, and we are so grateful that she is a part of this project! Click here to visit Meghan’s blog!